FOOD FIGHT!
by Shashuko the Paisley Maiden
Summary: Team Seven has dinner at Sakura's house, when Naruto accidentally flings a dumpling at Sasuke... and it all goes downhill from there.


Team 7 was having dinner at Sakura's house. Her parents were on a mission (yes, together) and so she had the house all to herself.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun, for coming!" Sakura gushed, ignoring her other teammate and her sensei completely. "I... wasn't sure you were going to show up..."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Just because I think you're creepy and need to stop stalker me doesn't mean I hate you," he said. "You're my teammate. I have to tolerate you somewhat... Naruto too. As hard as it may be." He smirked in Naruto's direction.

Naruto scowled. "Hey, teme! It's me who has to tolerate _you_!" He flung his chopstick out to point them at Sasuke angrily.

The dumpling he had been holding flew out of said chopsticks and stuck to Sasuke's cheek.

Sasuke blinked. His hand slowly went tup to his face, removed the dumpling, and tossed it aside.

It hit Kakashi. Or rather, it landed between the pages of the book he was reading.

Sakura yelled at Kakashi for reading at the dinner table, and poured her lemonade over him.

Kakashi looked at her boredly, then took the entire pitcher of lemonade and splashed it over his students.

Sasuke blamed Sakura. Sakura blamed Naruto. Naruto blamed Sasuke.

In a flash, they were all throwing food at each other (and eating it).

Kakashi backed off into a corner with his book, and hummed contentedly to himself. Now they'd leave him to read in peace.

Ino Yamanaka burst in. "Forehead girl!! What's this I hear about you bringing Sasuke-kun over to your--" she was hit by a stray ladlefull of stir-fry vegetables. Sasuke had the ladle and was flinging said fried dish at Naruto and Sakura, rapid-fire.

"Oh, so that's how it's gonna be," Ino growled. She stormed out of the house and came back with a pie (or at least, a pie crust filled with (orange-colored whipped cream). She threw this pie at Sasuke, and it hit him in the face.

Sakura laughed. "Sasuke-kun, you're gonna need to wash that off!" She flung the contents of Naruto's water glass (which was full of lemonade) at Sasuke's face.

Sasuke blinked, then licked some of the lemonade off of himself.

"Tastes like Naruto," he mumbled.

"EHHHHHH?!" Naruto yelled. He whacked Sasuke over the head with the pot roast.

"We're running out of food," Sakura noted sadly.

"I've got some food!" announced Chouji, entering the house followed by Shikamaru and Asuma. "Why?"

The pot roast hit him in the stomache, bounced off and exploded on Ino's shirt.

Chouji blinked. "Sorry, Ino..." he said.

Ino grinned, wiped some of the crushed roasted meat off of herself, and threw it in Chouji's general direction. It splattered all over Shikamaru's left pant leg.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru sighed, observing his soiled clothing. "Are we having a food fight or something?"

"YES!" Ino, Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto yelled. Kakashi mumbled a half-hearted, 'yeah' from his corner of the room, which was still clean. He and his book were spotless. Everyone stared at him, then forgot about it because Chouji was flinging potato chips like shuriken. They shattered once they hit their targets.

"HOLD IT!" Ino yelled. Everyone looked pointedly at the blonde, but they held a temporary ceasefire from their food-throwing.

"We're running out of food," she noted, "And space. I suggest we all disperse and get more food, then bring it back here! Someone can move the furniture out except for the tale, which we'll put the food on. Questions?"

Sakura raised her hand. "Can we have a water balloon fight afterwards so I don't have to scrape food off the walls?"

"Excellent idea! Now, me and Sasuke-kun will stay here and move furniture--"

"Only if someone else stays and helps preserve my mental stability," Sasuke interrupted.

"Okay, me, Sasuke-kun, and Naruto--"

"I wanna buy food!" Naruto whined. "I have a really good idea!"

"Why don't you _all _go?" Shikamaru yawned. "Going out to buy the food is troublesome. How about Asuma-sensei and I move furniture while you all go buy food?"

"Yeah, that works too," Ino said a little dejectedly. She cheered up and ran out the door. "I'M GETTING PIES!" She yelled.

Within half an hour, the five gennin were all reassembled in Sakura's dining room.

Chouji had more chips for shuriken practice, along with some Capri-Sun juice boxes and several individual slices of chocolate cake.

Sasuke had retrieved two large bowls of tomato sauce as well as spaghetti, five containers of sprinkle-on parmesan cheese, Easy Cheese (the stuff in a spray can) and a platter heaped in grated cheddar.

Naruto's spoils consisted of seven or eight GIANT BINS of ice cream, whipped cream, ramen (which he was eating), three jars of maraschino cherries, chocolate chips, and caramel sauce in 'easy-squeeze' bottles.

Sakura returned with meatballs, cooked hot dogs, more pot roasts, easy-squeeze catsup, pepper, and three lasagnae (the plural form of lasagna).

Ino's spoils were all pies: apple pie, cherry pie, blackberry pie, lemon meringue pie, cream pie, and cheesecake (cheesecake is a pie. really. ask Elvis or watch Good Eats by Alton Brown-- it's a pie). She had brought at least ten of each kind (and spoons, since she realized that no one else would be smart enough to).

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at the food. "Don't you think that's over kill?"

A piece of one of Sakura's lasagnae hit him in the face.

"Shut up and throw some food!" Naruto yelled. Everyone except for Kakashi and Sasuke cheered. Kakashi was ignored again, and Sasuke was bombarded with edibles.

The food fight was soon underway. Naruto's ice cream was big hit, since it was cold and delivered a slight shock upon impact. Ino's pies were flying through the air, and Sakura's hot dogs (lol) were used to smack people in the face.

A knock sounded at the door. Sakura went to see who it was.

It was Neji. "Are you throwing a food fight?" he asked menacingly.

"Yes," Sakura squeaked. "Um... I'm covered in pie," she said. "Sorry."

Neji blinked. "You are," he noted. "So, anyway... about this food fight of yours. May Tenten, Hinata-sama and I join in as well?" Sakura noticed that Tenten and Hinata were behind Neji, and holding a GIANT bowl of refried beans. "HELL YES!" Naruto's voice rang out. "LET THERE BE LENTILS!!"

"What about your other teammate?" Sakura asked. "Is he still in the hospital after...?"

"Fighting that boy from Sand?" Neji hissed. "Yes. He's not supposed to move around much. The nurse says if he keeps doing push-ups with those injured limbs of his, she's going to tie him to the bed so hard he can't move."

"Kinky," Sasuke noted.

"I know," Neji said. "And you should see the nurse. But apparently Lee is blind and doesn't like this idea, so he's not acting up any more."

"Well, that's good to hear," Sakura laughed. "Well, come in, why don't you? You'll get cold standing out there like that."

Neji, Hinata and Tenten entered. Tenten immediately starting flinging food at people, hitting her mark perfectly every time. Whenever anyone tried to hit Neji or Hinata, they used kaiten to block.

"Hey!" Naruto whined. "No fair! Who said we could use chakra?"

"Who said we couldn't?" Neji shot back, smirking.

"I DID," Ino yelled, hitting Neji's blind spot with a pie.

Neji growled and flung some spaghetti at her.

Hinata meekly approached Naruto, looking down at her feet, with her hands behind her back.

"Um, N-Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked.

Naruto looked in her direction (so Shikamaru nailed him on the shoulder with some pot roast). "Yes, Hinata?"

"Umm... Naruto-kun..." Hinata took a deep breath.

"G-GOTCHA!" the Hyuuga heiress yelled, flinging a cherry pie into his face, so it was now almost as red as hers (almost). She then ran and hid behind Neji while throwing handfuls of ice cream at Chouji.

"Shikamaru's hiding under the table!" Ino yelled. "GET HIM!"

Food of all sort was shot in the direction of the center of the room.

Slowly, Sasuke got out from under the table, almost _completely _covered in food.

"This... means... war," he said decidedly. Sasuke proceeded to shake himself, sending food flying everywhere-- onto the people, at the ceiling, on the floor, and out the window.

Slowly, a shadow approached the window.

It was Gaara. His face was covered in pieces from all three different lasagnae, ice cream, and blackberry pie filling.

"Who did that?" he asked, twitching slightly. "Who hit me?"

Every stared (mostly in fear, somewhat because he was covered in food) at the boy who had hospitalized Lee. They all pointed at Sasuke, who smirked.

"We're having a food fight," the Uchiha avenger said mischievously.

Gaara raised a nonexistant eyebrow. "A what?"

"A food fight," Sakura said slowly. "You know... we throw food at each other?"

"No," Gaara said, "I don't know. I have never partaken in or even heard of a food fight before."

"Really?" Naruto asked. "That's a shame. Here!" he flung an apple pie at Gaara, and hit him in the face, making a 'squelch' noise.

Gaara crawled in through the window, and slowly approached the food table. No one moved.

The sand-nin slowly pick up a slice of chocolate cake. Then, with lighting speed, he swung it at Naruto, hitting _him _in the face.

Naruto blinked. He brought his hand to his face... and flung the cake back at Gaara.

Gaara grabbed one of Chouji's Capri-Suns, stuck the straw in it, and squirted the fruit juice at Naruto.

Naruto grinned, though it now looked like he had drooled all over his shirt, and grabbed a handful of ramen noodles, tossing them so they landed neatly on Gaara's head (Best. Hat. Ever.).

Gaara twitched. He picked up one of the lasagnae and dumped it on Naruto's head.

Naruto grabbed the bowl of chips and started throwing them at Gaara. Gaara pulled a large chocolate cookie out of his pocket, tossing it at Naruto. It landed in Naruto's open, laughing mouth and Naruto gagged a little. Then, he ate the cookie.

Gaara grabbed another Capri-Sun, and squished it using his sand. Juice went flying everywhere.

"No chakra!" Neji yelled. If he couldn't use kaiten then no way in _hell _was he gonna let Gaara use his sand (a/n: oh like Neji could stop him rolls eyes).

Gaara froze, then nodded. He removed his gourd and put it against the wall by Kakashi, who was _still _reading his book and _still _remained untouched as well as ignored. Asuma had joined him, with his own copy of the little orange book.

Gaara mentally rolled his eyes. Adult could be so _disgusting _sometimes.

Then, Gaara grabbed a pie and smushed it in Sasuke's face.

"Oh?" Sasuke said. "You wanna tussle, sand-boy?"

Gaara glared. "Bring it, Uchiha. I dare you."

"Oh, in _that_ case..." Gaara and Sasuke both grabbed a can of Easy Cheese and started spraying each other with it.

"Oooooh, catfight!" Naruto taunted. Gaara and Sasuke turned towards Naruto, glared, and sprayed him with whipped cream, all the while still pointing at each other with the cans of easy cheese. Then, they returned to their epic battle.

After awhile, the door opened again. Naruto gasped.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. "WEREN'T YOU DEAD?!"

"I was," said Haku. "But then I smelled a combination of three different lasagnae and caramel swirl ice cream. I figured either someone was pregnant in Sakura's house, or there was a food fight going on. Since the latter is more likely, I decided to investigate."

Naruto blinked, then grinned. He reached for a pie--

A scoop of ice cream hit him in the back. Naruto turned, slowly, to face a mirror, and Haku's reflection.

"NO CHAKRA!" everyone yelled, though only Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and the oblivious (and ignored) Kakashi knew about Haku's techniques.

"Oh, all right," Haku sighed, dissolving the mirror. "Does this mean I can't use my bloodline to hit people with ice cream?"

"YES!" everyone yelled.

"What kind of bloodline does he _have?_" Chouji wondered.

"A better one than yours," Haku quipped. He and Chouji started throwing ice cream at each other until they resembled abominable snowmen. Then, they shook themselves like Sasuke had, of course hitting mostly Gaara. Because that's just the way it works.

The food fight continued for the better part of the rest of the hour, until everyone was tired.

"Hey..." Chouji said, "Can we eat the food?"

"That sounds a good plan," said Sasuke. But he wasn't looking at the food. He was looking at Naruto.

He approached the blonde boy, and licked some cheesecake (CUSTARD PIE) filling off of his face.

"Tastes like Naruto," he said again. Naruto punched Sasuke, and Sasuke fainted.

"Nice one," Neji noted, picking up of Sakura's hot dogs (lol).

Haku tiredly cut himself a piece of cherry pie and squirted Easy Cheese on it.

"It's true!" Chouji gasped. "Mist-nin _do _put cheese of everything."

Haku took a bite of his pie. then blinked.

"Needs catsup," he decided.

Gaara nodded appreciatively. "Everything is better with catsup."

Haku smiled. "Except cookies. _Never _try it on cookies."

Gaara grimaced. "Don't remind me," he said.

"Okay," Haku noted, "I won't. Friends?" he held out his hand to Gaara.

Gaara shook, slowly. "Friends."

"EVERYBODY HUG GAARA!!" Ino yelled. Gaara suddenly found himself on the bottom of a big, tired, food-encrusted dog pile.

"Ouch," Gaara said.

Ino giggled. "Yeah, well, love hurts."

Gaara's eyes widened. "Love?"

"She meant that as a metaphor, I'm sure," Naruto said quickly.

Gaara stared at Naruto.

"I knew that," he said unconvincingly. "I knew that..."

"Yeah, I hardly know you," Ino laughed. "And you're not my type."

"Good," said Gaara. "Because I happen to have a girlfriend back in Suna."

Everyone fell over.

"Really?" Naruto said excitedly. "Who is she? Who is she?"

Gaara looked away, blushing slightly. "You don't know her," he said.

...

Meanwhile, back in Suna, Gaara's girlfriend sneezed. Temari offered her a tissue, then continued lecturing her on the importance of how the plural form of the word 'lasagna' is actually _not_ 'lasagnae' but 'lasagnas.'

"Aww, really?" Gaara's girlfriend said. "Darn! That means that this whole fanfiction is just one, big TPYO!!"

...

"Anyway," Gaara said, "Shouldn't we clean some of this up?"

Naruto grinned. "LET'S CLEAN THIS UP! WATER BALLOON FIIIIIIIIIGHT!!"

The sounds of splashing were heard.

"HAKU! _ NO CHAKRA!_"

"Awww..." Haku mumbled. "Oh, well. Good food fight, guys!"

Sasuke smirked. "I bet no one has ever had one that awesome before."

...

"ITACHI! NO CHAKRA!" Konan yelled, whacking Uchiha Itachi upside the head with a giant, baked tuna fish. She was lassoed by a large piece of pasta being operated by Pein.

"Hidan's bleeding in the ice cream!" Kisame complained.

Konan gasped. "Sasori, Deidara! Don't do that with the pudding!"

Deidara scoffed. "And do what, throw it?" he said. "That's a waste of artistic medium, un."

"How is spreading chocolate pudding on bread _art?_" the blue-haired woman screeched.

"Konan, Konan, Konan." Sasori shook his head slowly. "You don't appreciate good food, do you?"

"I do! Can I have some?" asked Kisame. "Only with cheese on it?"

Deidara whacked Kisame with Konan's fish.

...

The water balloon fight lasted until one of them hit Kakashi's book and splashed him in the eye. Since the water balloons were being thrown for cleaning purposes and where filled with a mixture of soapy water and Comet, Kakashi screamed and started throwing pies at everyone.

The End

yeah. I wrote this while sleeping over at my friend's house, right after getting out of bed. FEAR MY SATURDAY MORNING MENTALITY! ROOOOAAAAAA-- (starts snoring).

BTW, I don't own Naruto. Or Sasuke. Or Sakura. Or Kiba (who isn't in this anyway). Or Ino. Or Chouji. Or Temari. Or Shikmaru. Or Kakashi. Or Asuma. Or Neji. Or Tenten. Or Hinata. Or Lee. Or Itachi. Or Konan. Or Konan's fish (Konan own the fish). Or Pein. Or Kisame. Or Hidan. Or Sasori. Or Deidara. Or Gaara. Nor Gaara's girlfriend, who owns herself. (you know who you are :D)

sasuke: I think you forgot to mention someone and how you don't own them.

me: I DO SO OWN HAKU! -- is whacked over the head with a frying pan by Kishimoto--

Kishimoto: ... wait... I killed him off anyway. You can have him.

me: (weakly) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!


End file.
